The One Rule That Ends Any Argument in Our Marriage and Business

As Eric and I launch our latest venture, I’m reflecting on what has changed since the New York Times featured us in an article titled Joint Venture Couples Live By Special Martial Rules. That was more than 20 years and four businesses ago. What have we learned? What has changed?

After more than a quarter of a century during which I’ve introduced Eric as my husband and business partner, we’ve developed some very specific strategies that help us work and live together happily and productively.

Here’s the top 10 list.

1. Veto Power
This is one of our most sacred deals. Either of us can invoke veto power if something doesn’t feel right—whether it’s a business decision, a new hire, or a major move. It’s not used lightly, and it doesn’t require an explanation or debate. We’ve both learned that if one of us feels that strongly, it’s enough. The idea stops there. It’s rarely exercised, but when it happens, it’s absolute—and always respected.

2. Divide and Conquer
We don’t do everything together. In fact, we’ve learned to lean into our individual strengths. Eric handles operations, sales, and tech. I focus on strategy, community, and storytelling. We trust each other to lead in our zones of genius, and we try to stay out of each other’s way when it counts (I don’t always do a stellar job of this, but I’m learning).

3. Schedule the Personal
Just because we work together doesn’t mean we’re spending quality time together. We’ve learned to schedule walks, pickleball games, occasional weekends away, and unplugged time. It keeps our relationship from becoming all business, all the time.

4. No Scorekeeping
We don’t track who did more that day, who’s “owed” something, or whose job was harder. It’s not sustainable. We both show up fully, and some seasons are more demanding for one of us than the other. That’s life and partnership.

5. Shared Calendar, Separate To-Do Lists
We keep a shared calendar so we know what’s happening when—but we each manage our own priorities and workflow. Micromanaging each other was a fast track to frustration, so we quit that early (yup, I’m still working on this one too).

6. Say What You Need
Neither of us is a mind reader, and expecting the other to “just know” is a recipe for disappointment. We’ve gotten much better at saying exactly what we need—support, space, feedback, time alone—without guilt or drama.

7. Keep a Business Brain and a Relationship Heart
We work hard to separate feedback from feelings. A critique of an idea isn’t a critique of the person (we are both works-in-progress on this one). We try to stay objective and professional when talking business—even when emotions run high—and then switch gears when it's time to be partners at home.

8. Build-in Exit Ramps
Every project has check-ins built in—points where we both pause and ask, “Is this still working for us?” Not every idea is meant to last forever. We’ve learned that letting go is sometimes the bravest, and wisest, move.

9. Protect the Friendship
Before we were business partners, we were friends. We still are. And we work hard to keep that intact. We laugh a lot. We make fun of ourselves. We remember that the foundation of everything we build is connection, not competition.

10. Dream Together, Often
We carve out time to ask: What’s next? What do we want to create? What would feel exciting now? That shared sense of purpose keeps us aligned—and reminds us why we started doing this together in the first place.

Twenty-plus years in, we’re still learning. Still evolving. Still surprised by how much we can grow—individually and together—when we lead with respect, clarity, and trust. Launching something new feels familiar and fresh all at once. And doing it side-by-side? Still our favorite way.