Why “Networking” Has Never Worked for Me

There are certain words that are perfectly acceptable in business and still make me cringe a little.

Networking is one of those words.

I understand what it means. I get that your network matters. And yet, when people talk about “building their network” or, worse, “working their network,” I think, nope, not me. I don’t want to “work” my network.

I think because it feels transactional. Instrumental. As though relationships are tools to be pulled out when needed. When relationships are framed as a network, there’s often an unspoken question hovering in the background: What is this relationship for?

That framing never quite sat right with me, so I recently stopped using the word. Instead, I talk about the people in my orbit.

It’s not the perfect word, but it’s better. For me, orbit suggests movement rather than extraction. It implies closeness without ownership. People move in and out. Some stay close for years. Others drift farther away and occasionally come back into view. There’s no pressure to transact. Just awareness, gravity, and the possibility of connection.

When I think about the people in my orbit, I’m not thinking about who might be useful. I’m thinking about who I want to stay in touch with. Who I’m curious about. Who I root for, even from a distance. My friends are in my orbit. So are neighbors, colleagues, former colleagues, college chums, clients, and former clients. Dana from the coffee shop who I chat with almost daily. Conner from the gym next door and Avery who taught me to box more than a decade ago. The parents of my kids’ friends and the rate social media connection that somehow blossomed into more. When I stop to think about it, I feel incredibly fortunate to have so many incredible people in my orbit.

I’ve tried on other words.

• Community comes close, but it often implies something organized, and not everyone in my orbit is in my “community.”

• Circle feels warm, but a little too fixed and tight.

• Ecosystem is accurate, but sounds like it should go a slide in a presentation deck.

Orbit isn’t perfect, but it works until I come up with something better.

Language shapes behavior. If a word makes you feel performative or inauthentic, you’ll resist the behavior that comes with it. If a word invites ease and curiosity, you’re more likely to lean in.

So if networking works for you, use it.

But if it doesn’t, you don’t need to force it.

Call it an orbit. Call it your people. Call it whatever makes staying connected feel natural rather than strategic.

Because connection, at its best, isn’t something you work.

It’s something you tend.